Perfection... or not...
This kills me. I am a perfectionist. Well, maybe not really? But it hinders my performances and my decisions. I need to be perfect in everything. For example, just a few minutes ago, my office in Guatemala would like me to give them a sketch of this long sleeve tshirt. So I have to draw one... but I just couldn't do it... and I refuse to give them an ugly drawing... so what do I do? I'm searching for all the past artworks in my file cabinet for a long sleeve women's tee... but to no avail... couldn't find one. so then... I remembered it was an Adidas shirt we wanted to knock-off... so I went to the Adidas website for the shirt, and luckily found something like it... and copied it from that. see what I mean? it drives me nuts. Took me sooooo long to just give them a stupid sketch!! Another example... I would never do anything unless I know exactly what I'm doing... I have to be the best. Like stocks for instance... I enjoyed the stockmarket ever since I was in 5th grade. (we had some stockmarket program at school for some reason...) BUT, I never ventured so far as investing real money. I would join etrade games and play, and train myself... and try to read up on trading and crap... OH! and this other time I had a chance to trade currency... given 25,000USD that I lost half of cuz I didn't make my decisions fast enough... cuz I was reading the DAMN book that I bought for it. I wanted to get the lingo right... I didn't want to sound like a fool when I'm buying and selling. And in Sports... I enjoy vball a lot, but I just ain't good at it. So I would NEVER play with the good people, and just practice at home. hahahaha. I am psychopathic. Oh, I remember playing in Michigan... with CCF people... and you can tell they hate playing with sucky people like me... But this one time, I remember Ayumi was there... I think she was not too good... but at least she encouraged me... unlike this lil HO that told me to switch places with her cuz she would be better at setting. GRRRR... I still hate that HO. she thought she was being nice to me... but what she was telling me was... you suck, and you're killing the game. HO.
Okay, all in all, I hate the fact that I am so competitive and sooo not-perfect. it drives me nuts.
***
This morning, I didn't have a seat again on the train... so I read the 2nd half of Daniel. It is some weird stuff dude. I wish I can have the courage of Daniel. A righteous man before the Lord falling prostrate at the sight of Jesus. That is some scary stuff. But Jesus gave him strength and courage to speak to him. Yes, I need strength and courage like Daniel. and I need to trust that God has provided me with strength and courage for my faith.
This kills me. I am a perfectionist. Well, maybe not really? But it hinders my performances and my decisions. I need to be perfect in everything. For example, just a few minutes ago, my office in Guatemala would like me to give them a sketch of this long sleeve tshirt. So I have to draw one... but I just couldn't do it... and I refuse to give them an ugly drawing... so what do I do? I'm searching for all the past artworks in my file cabinet for a long sleeve women's tee... but to no avail... couldn't find one. so then... I remembered it was an Adidas shirt we wanted to knock-off... so I went to the Adidas website for the shirt, and luckily found something like it... and copied it from that. see what I mean? it drives me nuts. Took me sooooo long to just give them a stupid sketch!! Another example... I would never do anything unless I know exactly what I'm doing... I have to be the best. Like stocks for instance... I enjoyed the stockmarket ever since I was in 5th grade. (we had some stockmarket program at school for some reason...) BUT, I never ventured so far as investing real money. I would join etrade games and play, and train myself... and try to read up on trading and crap... OH! and this other time I had a chance to trade currency... given 25,000USD that I lost half of cuz I didn't make my decisions fast enough... cuz I was reading the DAMN book that I bought for it. I wanted to get the lingo right... I didn't want to sound like a fool when I'm buying and selling. And in Sports... I enjoy vball a lot, but I just ain't good at it. So I would NEVER play with the good people, and just practice at home. hahahaha. I am psychopathic. Oh, I remember playing in Michigan... with CCF people... and you can tell they hate playing with sucky people like me... But this one time, I remember Ayumi was there... I think she was not too good... but at least she encouraged me... unlike this lil HO that told me to switch places with her cuz she would be better at setting. GRRRR... I still hate that HO. she thought she was being nice to me... but what she was telling me was... you suck, and you're killing the game. HO.
Okay, all in all, I hate the fact that I am so competitive and sooo not-perfect. it drives me nuts.
***
This morning, I didn't have a seat again on the train... so I read the 2nd half of Daniel. It is some weird stuff dude. I wish I can have the courage of Daniel. A righteous man before the Lord falling prostrate at the sight of Jesus. That is some scary stuff. But Jesus gave him strength and courage to speak to him. Yes, I need strength and courage like Daniel. and I need to trust that God has provided me with strength and courage for my faith.
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