i hate the fact that i still.... meanwhile knowing... don't even care... unfair. why was my heart made so weak? having high expectations and being hopeful lead to disappointments. always. there's no such thing as... yet we hope. throwing tantrums when things don't go my way... i always have such high hopes... the higher they are, the harder i fall. drops form, rain visits at night, sun visits in the morning, and it is another day. day after day endlessly. 3mos. when will i recover from this illness? i smile, i act. i miss... i hate... perhaps i like work these days cuz it keeps me busy. if i'm not, my mind and my heart start to prance the past. i can't, i don't want to anymore. make it stop. make it go away. why does it have to hurt so much. God, send me an angel.