ahh... mindless blabber. haven't touched you in a while...

i hate life.

i need a job.

i need a boyfriend.

i need to move out.

i hate the laundromat.

i finally found my missing poem i wrote a while back...

SILENCE

the lack of noise
and the lack of communication
is it really that?
or is it shouting loudly back at you
as you wait there? in silence.
the noises or voices in your head grow louder.
consuming your reality. your silence.
shouts of anger, shouts of frustration, shouts of violence.
WAIT. STOP!!!
you chuckle to yourself.
silence is but the lack of communication after all.


dude, was i on drugs? hehe... perhaps.

wow, i haven't blogged this page in ages... but what to say? where to begin? the past week had been depressing. WTC, so many deaths, talks of retaliation... is this the act of a civilized society? yes, we're humans, we have emotions, and we're angry that we've been attacked. who's fault is it? was it the terrorist's fault? or was it our govt's fault for not seeing this before it happened??? i don't know. i just want the hate to stop. and the hurt to heal. thousands have died. war will lead to the deaths of many more.

i have been unable to sit down and pray about this situation seriously. it's really hard to take in. all so surreal at the time. now that it's hitting me and sinking in more and more... why are we unable to look to God at situations like this? why are we taking matters into our own hands by retaliation? why ask for the nation to join in prayer for the deaths of our people when we are about to take the deaths of still others??? Father God, I pray this hate would end. I pray there would be healing between nations, that your love will embrace us, and transcend all things. and I know that you will take up our burdens and our prayers to you. "For nothing is impossible with God." -Luke 1:37

Funny how God works... i was flipping through the Bible the other day... in Revelations to find like signs of the end of ages... hehe... couldn't really find it.... gave up... and just now... i was making sure if that verse i just wrote was the right verse. and then... i flipped and saw this chapter... Signs of the End of the Age... Luke 21. wow.

"Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. there will be great earthquakes, famines, and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven." Luke 21:10-11

Is the end near???

i'm awake. the world is astonished yet again. hehe, just got back from dropping alice off at school... what a great sister i am! hehehe.... i love my baby... hehe.... anyways...

i just realized there are many crazy drivers out there... especially in the city... and i finally realized why. we're a city that's always on the move, everyone is always rushing to something. even if they're not rushing to do something, they have this inner inertia to do something on the move. always rushing to places... no patience whatsoever about lines.

yesterday, as i was dropping alice off... i was waiting to make a left turn. so the light turns green, and me being the first person at the light must wait cuz of the immense traffic coming the other way... and of course, taxi drivers are so freakin impatient... he drove right past me and tried to make a right... hahaha. and i was thinking... damn, so impatient. like anyone can make a left anytime soon... but anyways, so before the taxi swerved a gimongous circle in front of me to make a left... a car coming from the other direction suddenly slowed down, and finally, stopped, right in front of the street blocking our left turn... so the taxi wants to swerve around the car's rear end.... and then as i was watching... i realized this... the car stopped... and was about to go in reverse to park.... uh oh! *smash* too late. stupid taxi driver deserves it. hahaha... but the person on the car was also on the phone so he didn't realize anything... hahha... i should have laughed out loud... hahaha... phew! at least that wasn't me trying to be impatient... hahaha... stupid taxi drivers... they deserve it.

ahhh... i'm back home from a rather tiring week.... why? cuz i had no sleep... seeing old friends... and younger people taking over my old apartment... it's just not the same anymore... everything is out of place.. they're just screwing everything up.... but one thing is good... it's all nice and clean... freakin ralph cleaned it all up... new paint and all... and he paved the driveway... damn... all after i leave!!! and angell hall... oh my gosh... dvd and burners on every computer!!! what the heck is going on?!??! it's not fair i say... they wasted our money!!!

what else? i went to shoot pool tonite... it was good... me and ruth really suck... hahaha. but pool will be our new favorite pass time. we will get good!!! hahahaha....

damn, when we were driving home tonite... freakin nissan xterra.... had like 6 headlights, and 2 bluelights... i think the guy is mad crazy... soooo freakin bright... don't know what they were thinking when they put all those freakin headlights on...